Translation from French to English

HYMNE À L'AMOUR
(M. Monnot / E. Constantine)

Edith Piaf (France)

The blue sky over us can collapses
And the earth may well collapse
I do not care if you love me
I do not care about the world
As long as love will flood my mornings
As my body quiver under your hands
I do not care the major problems
My love, since you love me ...
I would go to the end of the world
I'd be a blond
If you asked me ...
I would go for the moon
I would go steal the fortune
If you asked me ...
I would deny my homeland
I would deny my friends
If you asked me ...
We can laugh at me,
I'd do anything
If you asked me ...
If one day life of me removing you
If you die, you're far away from me
I do not care if you love me
For I shall die too ...
We will have eternity for us
In the blue of all immensity
In the sky, more problems
My love, do you think we love each other? ...
... God reunites those who love each other!

 

I think I want to....

Be celibate for 10 years, do crusade work and finish school. Maybe I'll find a husband if that's what god has in store for me.


This summer I will be celibate for 10 years. I have to finish the last of my perquisites in college; microbiology and abnormal phychology, or a very minor course (2cr) then maybe instead of doing nursing school, do something elce...learn how to play an acoustic instrument ...music? be a spiritual advisor and play music and sing, wow! that sounds grand :)

I want to learn how to play Cindi Laupers favorite instrument

inspire me

maybe i'll be like Nº 2...

Gabrielle Bonheur (coco chanel)
Norma Jeane Mortenson (Baker, AKA- Marilyn Monroe)

go to where your passions are calling. The picture below is of Gabrielle Bonheur's Beau, in France skinny-dipping.

the seven year itch- time for a real change

I am relapsing. smoking a cigarette right now. smoked some herb and lost my dog. on my last given cigarette, this must be the real 7 yr itch.
omg, i lost my fucking dog. i swear i put him back into the car, well he got in himself like he usually does but when i got home he was not in the car, or our yard- he usually immediately jumps out of the car, sometimes so quick I don’t see him . he is nowhere in sight. i called my friend to tell him (my friend is in the shower getting ready 4 work- had to leave a message) my hearing aide battery went out so if i ran the dog over i would not be able to hear it (i wear an aide in each ear) 2:20 pm. 10/27/10
Well it’s been about a week since that happened and the dog was at my friends house the whole time. My friend got out of the shower and the dog was at the door wagging his tail and wanting me. I got a call from my friend and yes my dog is fine and my friend generously left his door unlocked because he had to go to work and I picked the dog back up, boy was the dog happy.
I really need to change my life, that incident was so scary. That day when I got home and realized the dog was not with me I had a panic attack and I literately screamed because I was so flipped out. I don’t think smoking herb is good. I only do it because my friend does and I feel so self destructive because of it. I spent a whole month going on a health kick and quit cigarettes and low and behold I have a bad day and smoke some herb, got to have a cig and cola to de-stress. Poor me.
Yesterday I brought a pack of “Natural American Spirit” menthol cigarettes, the first pack I have brought for myself since my quit date of 8/13/10 and I do not want to buy any more. I feel like a failure but I keep reminding myself it is just a setback. I do not have to go to “that” friends place anymore, or any friend who smokes and does herb. I mean I am not totally against smoking it but I cannot without smoking cigarettes, I have to quit once and for all.
I thought about taking up drinking wine on occasion, red wine is good for you. I could only have a glass every so often just to feel nice drinking out of a wine glass and getting those special antioxidants. But I don’t particularly care for drinking unless it’s social.
Maybe if I had a boyfriend I could wear flirty nightclothes and have a glass of wine, that would relax me and make me happy. Oh wishful thinking….

content warning + blessings and love

I know about how a lot of people don't like to read about certain things so this is why I’m giving a warning-I feel I must explain the nature of this warning.
One of the things is there will be a lot of spiritual and religious material in my blog.
About God- for many years before I became a Christian I believed in God but was considered agnostic about Jesus. I became a bona fide Christian in the spring after I turned 30 years old. I also have my own set ideas and beliefs about religion and I am non-denominational. I have read the Bible (old and new testaments) front to back, two different versions: the Good News Bible (the one you find in hotel rooms- I found mine set out as garbage in a pile of books) and the St. Ignatius Press Holy Bible (I took catechism classes at a catholic church and bought the bible from there). I have never read the King James Bible however I have heard it is very beautifully written but somewhat inaccurate.
I also feel a lot of religions misrepresent the bible and what it means; the catholic church has many “assumptions” and beliefs which are rendered out of the mystical minds of a bunch of scholastic “holy men” who may be no holier than the janitor at the local mall however I do believe they mean well and the catholic church is a “mystical” church and mysticism is very spiritual in general, so am I. the catholic church plays a big part in my becoming Christian, I just wish so to change some of their religious doctrine and I think the religion would then be my favorite. One of my favorite churches I frequent is a catholic one, very old fashioned one and it is a beautiful place to visit- the sights of the architecture, the sounds of the choir and the silence…the smell of the incense and the way the service is set up. But I only like to visit very beautifully done up churches, or special ones…some are just special for some reason, maybe for the people, event, or place depending.
One of my newest favorite sayings is “going to church does not make you a true Christian as standing in your garage makes you a car” got that from “face book”! and it is so true, you know in the bible it simply states that real spirituality begins at home, usually, by oneself alone. I consider it a very personal thing and no group of people can make you something you are not. I think the community of the church is to share the spiritual experience, but sadly, not a lot of people are truly spiritual, holy religious people even though they may go to church and brag about it…but I’m not the typical churchgoer. I have taught my kids what they know, and tried to on a daily basis and we sometimes go to church and when we do we get all mystical about it.
Anyway, I mentioned I am non-denominational. My beliefs I get straight out of the bible and will simplify this for you- I believe God is 1^st, the holy father and I believe his son Jesus is the messiah as foretold. I believe Jesus is our lord king of this earth and sits at the right hand of the father, I believe he is not the father, but has his own soul as each of us have our own soul and we do not have 2 souls in 1, meaning I do NOT think Jesus is god the father. Jesus did not think he was god the father, it is stated many times in the bible that Jesus prayed by himself to god the father, he calls out to god the father. God is our father, and Jesus is our brother, and he is all special…he is the 1^st son. And I believe my doctrine is correct, I believe I am perceiving the bible correct when I say this. I also believe I am correct because of my own relationship with god and Jesus. I believe in miracles because I’ve had them happen and have been close to others that have had them happen. I have because of my faith in god asked him and received many things, miraculously (I will get into more detail later) I never had blind faith really. For as long as I can remember I have believed in god for some reason…just had the feeling of a higher being out there, and you know what? There is a god, no doubt in my mind. And there is a Jesus, no doubt in my mind because I know, not of blind faith (bless all those people with blind faith!) I am too stubborn for blind faith. Like I said I was 30 years old when I finally became a bona-fide Christian and it was not by blind faith really. It’s hard to explain but lets just say me becoming a Christian was a miracle and I want to tell you my story.

Another content warning here- I mean what I say. I do not go around assuming things. When I say something is factual and I mean something it is because it is so because of my knowledge of something, I don’t do guessing or assumptions, but sometimes when testing a hypothetical theory I may get that way. But when I say the sky is blue you better believe it. When I say “do you think it may rain?” it means it just may rain and usually does, ok? Get it? If I say I am assuming something I mean just that. I mean what I say and I say what I mean, so don’t get confused about it.
Thirdly, I have a wide range of knowledge, I have been through a lot, nothing about me is really typical and I have strived for many years trying to be more “normal/ typical and not so complex” but I am, and it is nothing I am proud of, but I do appreciate it.
I am also somewhat well educated. I am in college at the moment and my GPA is fantastic for someone who has not completed high school (3.67) and I also could be a 4.0 but I got a bit careless and sloppy a few semesters. There is a possibility I may go and repeat a few classes to get a perfect 4.0. God forbid I do this because in a way it’s senseless.
One of my imperfections is I can be a perfectionist most the time about some things, but I don’t expect others to adhere to my way of things. I have spent a lot of personal hours reading and researching things that interest me for example, I have read over a hundred books on psychology and some psychiatric issues, and hundreds of articles and many books on medical stuff as well as taking the college anatomy and physiology 1 and 2, along with the other college stuff. I know my things mostly…

Because of my disability (I’m nearly deaf) I have had to rely on other sensory receptors besides hearing to understand the world and get my knowledge. I am very in tune to peoples feelings and actions and because of this I am pursuing a medical field career. I can notice the slightest difference from moment to moment in someone, especially when I am to be watching out for a change. I am very detail orientated, I am very visual and I notice a lot too. I think this compensates for my not hearing the whole. I may not pick up every noise or everything said, but I will pick up things the normal person does not pick up because of my other heightened sensory functions.

I have not lived the usual life so far, but as time goes by and since I have been an adult it has gotten more normal, and I so thank god for this.
I have come from a very diverse background growing up and my past history growing up has been a bit shady I think, also based on survival and not so well looked at depending on who you may be and how you look at it. I went through a really extra tough teenage time and I am lucky to even be alive.
I thank all the wonderful people out there that have helped me survive, have been a friend of mine and have given me comfort in tough times, solace in confusion, those of you who have offered me shelter and food and a shoulder to cry on, who have taught me and listened and have been tolerant with me. I thank my wonderful grandmother, mother of my father for teaching me never to give up- hope and faith, to stand up for what I am passionate about, for teaching me about god and love and education and family values, you have been missed for many years and I hope you are watching me because I think you would be so proud (finally!) and I thank my mother for loving me, and never giving up hope on me either through all the tough crazy times the word has thrown our way. I thank my children, the most precious on this earth to me, for bringing me closer to what really matters, because without you children I don’t think I could have made it this far. I feel so blessed to be mother of the 3 neatest human beings on this earth, 3 of who will always have my whole heart forever. I love you all.

The Angel in Ann Arbor

The winter of 1998 my boyfriend and I decided to take a road trip up to Michigan -just us and my 2 kids to celebrate the last of the year winter holidays and meet his family.  I had this very little 4cylinder manual car that my aunt gave me and it was nearly 20 years old…we had to stop many times to get parts because things were happening with the car, but we were destined to make it to Michigan. We had a blast while driving the highways at speeds I was just not used to through snowstorms.
We stopped to get some gas and treats in Ann Arbor, in the middle of nowhere but highway could be seen, and a mosque far in the distance. My boyfriend gets out of the car, pops the hood of the trunk, de- assembles some piece of my car that has lots of wires that go to certain places, cant think of the name of the gadget. I get out of the car to see what he’s done and I was like what the hell!? Because you have to be a pro to know where these wires go, and he does not know how to put the wires back into place.
He goes into the gas station store to get some coffee and cocoa and I am praying to dear god about my car. About a minute later this man walks up to my car and asks me what’s going on, and I show him. He plugs the wires in the correct spots in the correct sequence and says “there you go” and he gets in his vehicle and leaves. My boyfriend comes out with the drinks and treats and I show him what the man has done, and he’s like “wow!” and I’m like you are never doing that again! The car was made by GM by the way...

17 4 leaf clovers

A long time ago, when I was 18 years old I went out partying on a midsummer’s night. I got really intoxicated at a bar and somehow ended up going to some guys place with his friends, whom were only slight acquaintances. I had apparently been having a problem with my living situation(s) or something but I remember that one of the guys said I could crash at his place, so we all went there.
I was in the bathroom and one of the guys insisted I could take a bath if I wanted to. I thought that was a bit strange and finished using the bathroom, when I walked out the guys were hanging around the bathroom door and I took that as a bad sign and decided to flee at the next opportunity, but in an unnoticeable way, and I did.
It was about 5or 6am and the sun was just coming up and I had made the walk to my mothers apartment that was in the neighborhood to seek her motherly comfort because I called it a “close call to be getting raped” and I really needed my mom.
But you see, my mom had not really been in her right mind for some years now, but that does not stop the bond you know. So I knocked on her door, woke her up and she was quite upset to see me on her porch at 6ish am on a weekend. I had even waited a little while before knocking because I knew it was awfully early and I do hate to intrude. She was mad, so I said I would come back in a few hours.
Instead, I climb down the porch stairs in the back yard and sat in the grass and watch daylight begin. And I got bored. Tears roll from my eyes as I wish I had a more understanding and tolerant mother. I was just fiddling in the grass where I was sitting and found a 4 leaf clover, then another one…17 total . This made me feel much better, and a feeling that maybe, just maybe something higher was looking out for me (besides my mom at the time) something that was telling me I WAS important and special and loved.
I put the clovers carefully in my checkbook to keep them flat and safe and returned them to my purse, then noticed it was about time to go back upstairs to my moms apartment. She never asked me why I had arrived so early, or what was going on. But I did not care because I had my 17 4 leaf clovers and THAT WAS special J

After all these years I still have most the clovers, some have gotten a bit messed up and I laminated a few to put in picture globes for my children so they could see every day, but they grow translucent over so many years time I must find a better way of showing them off. I need to go through some boxes of old and find the rest and frame them or something.

Here is a neat quick link to common superstitions like the black cat and why 4 leaf clovers are considered lucky.