inspire me

maybe i'll be like Nº 2...

Gabrielle Bonheur (coco chanel)
Norma Jeane Mortenson (Baker, AKA- Marilyn Monroe)

go to where your passions are calling. The picture below is of Gabrielle Bonheur's Beau, in France skinny-dipping.

the seven year itch- time for a real change

I am relapsing. smoking a cigarette right now. smoked some herb and lost my dog. on my last given cigarette, this must be the real 7 yr itch.
omg, i lost my fucking dog. i swear i put him back into the car, well he got in himself like he usually does but when i got home he was not in the car, or our yard- he usually immediately jumps out of the car, sometimes so quick I don’t see him . he is nowhere in sight. i called my friend to tell him (my friend is in the shower getting ready 4 work- had to leave a message) my hearing aide battery went out so if i ran the dog over i would not be able to hear it (i wear an aide in each ear) 2:20 pm. 10/27/10
Well it’s been about a week since that happened and the dog was at my friends house the whole time. My friend got out of the shower and the dog was at the door wagging his tail and wanting me. I got a call from my friend and yes my dog is fine and my friend generously left his door unlocked because he had to go to work and I picked the dog back up, boy was the dog happy.
I really need to change my life, that incident was so scary. That day when I got home and realized the dog was not with me I had a panic attack and I literately screamed because I was so flipped out. I don’t think smoking herb is good. I only do it because my friend does and I feel so self destructive because of it. I spent a whole month going on a health kick and quit cigarettes and low and behold I have a bad day and smoke some herb, got to have a cig and cola to de-stress. Poor me.
Yesterday I brought a pack of “Natural American Spirit” menthol cigarettes, the first pack I have brought for myself since my quit date of 8/13/10 and I do not want to buy any more. I feel like a failure but I keep reminding myself it is just a setback. I do not have to go to “that” friends place anymore, or any friend who smokes and does herb. I mean I am not totally against smoking it but I cannot without smoking cigarettes, I have to quit once and for all.
I thought about taking up drinking wine on occasion, red wine is good for you. I could only have a glass every so often just to feel nice drinking out of a wine glass and getting those special antioxidants. But I don’t particularly care for drinking unless it’s social.
Maybe if I had a boyfriend I could wear flirty nightclothes and have a glass of wine, that would relax me and make me happy. Oh wishful thinking….